00.00, 19th May 2014.

(This is a super late post--but who cares?)

00.00, 19th May 2014 = I'm now 18 years old. SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, YAY!

Nggak terasa ternyata sudah 18 tahun gue menginjakkan kaki di dunia ini. Tapi mana ada juga anak baru brojol langsung kakinya nginjak tanah. Yah, intinya, udah 18 tahun gue hidup di dunia. Alhamdulillah, is the only word I could say at the moment. After all I've been through in this world, the smooth water and the rough stones, still--Alhamdulillah. I couldnt be more grateful than this. 18 tahun gue hidup bukannya hidup gue susah, hanya saja, tidak mudah. Hidup memang berat, lebih berat dari berat badan lo sendiri. Kalau ada orang yang hidupnya santai-santai aja tanpa pernah kena masalah--I'm not even envying them--justru gue mau go straight to their face then ask, "Are you even alive?"

That's the point of life. Are you alive, or are you just surviving? Apa hal-hal yang udah lo lakuin di dunia ini yang bikin lo hidup? Atau lo hanya melakukan hal-hal yang lo lakuin sekarang untuk hidup?

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Several Facts About Me.

I dont know the reason why should I write this kind of post on my blog. Yeah, you know its not a necessary thing to do nor to make people know about me. I just feel like writing it because this blog belongs to me, and because I can. So here we go.

I'm  a girl. Absolutely. But at some point I doubt myself about that--its silly, yes it is. Its just I barely understand what the girls around me want. Does that make me sounds like a boy? Girls are really complicated. I've ever read that even a psychology couldnt understand what women want even after studied about it for a decade and he still couldnt figure out what they actually want. The thing is, women dont even know what they want, so how the others know what they want? Yeah, thats the girl thing. But even if I am a girl, I'm not that kind of girl anyway.

I dont trust humans. Simply because I dont. I've seen betrayal, crimes, broken promises, much more than you guys. I didnt regret that. That makes me realize no matter how it is, you're alone in this world, therefore you should not trust anyone. Trust God instead. Its a wise advice from me, right?

I LOVE TO EAT. Well, who doesnt? Though eating too much makes me look like a pig. No I'm not kidding. People eat to live, I live to eat.

And I love to read. My books are my treasure. I surely take care of them like they are gold or jewelries or something other girls would treasure. You know, everyone has their own treasure and for me thats my book. There is something magical about reading, you got to feel it on your own. For me its like an escape. While I'm reading a book, I feel like I'm experiencing another life and run away for awhile from the reality. Thats pretty cool because I always feel that I want to run away.

I think myself deserve an award for being the most careless person on earth. I dont really know its just my friends are too busy minding others's business or its just me being too careless. Everyday they would be like, "Did you see her? Did you see the clothes she wears for today?" and I'd be like, "Nope. I didnt. And I dont care."

I'm very stubborn, sometimes selfish. I admit that, I even know thats coming from both of my parents so dont question about that again.

People think that I'm kind of rude--no, I mean they see me as a rude person. I dont even know why. Maybe because I curse too much? Yeah, I curse a lot. But I often spat words and I thought those were normal words to say in front of the others but then I found they were staring at me like I was a criminal or something. What I did is I was actually being honest. Hey, is being honest a crime?

I'm a quite person. People say so yet I am actually not. I have a very crowded party in my head like every single time, but you guys are not invited.

My Mom once told me, I am talented to be crazy. I dont know whether she meant in or not, but she looked serious at that time. After some moments, I realized that I am already crazy. Life is funny, sometimes.

So those were few things about me. Are you now scared? If not, then the rest of me you gotta figure it out by yourself.

Cheers,
xoxo (:

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Jika dia adalah orang yang tepat...

Jika dia adalah orang yang tepat, maka dia tidak akan memberikanmu kegalauan. Jika kau galau dibuatnya, maka tinggalkanlah. Tetapi jika dia mencintaimu dan kau pun mencintainya, keyakinan dan kepercayaanlah yang akan di berikannya, ikhlas pun akan diajarkannya kepadamu. 

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A Letter To Self.

Self, please be strong. I know its been really tough days lately, but you gotta be strong. You have to keep your head up just like your favorite song says. You've been doing good with things. You just have to keep it up by yourself because no one's gonna keep it up for you. You have to be strong. Stay strong. In any circumtances you're in, whenever it is.

Self, please be brave. Sometimes when you fall, its really hard to get up. And you've never had anyone to help you to stand. So please be brave. You gotta stand on your own feet, walk like there isnt any scar on your body, walk as woman who can face everything in this world. When you fall, just take a rest for a little time to collect your courage, and then you can stand up again in your own. And then you can be proud of yourself, of what you've been doing.

Self, please be patient. Good things come to those who wait, the wise one said. Its true. You have to wait a little bit longer for good things to happen. Dont worry, self. Its going to be great. It will turn out fine, and you'll be fine too. When your faith is shaking and you want to give up, please dont. You have to get your faith back and keep on believing that this isnt going to be a waste. Every moment you've been spending by waiting wont turn out just like that. Good things will come, you just have to keep believing.

Self, please be happy. Even when its hard to laugh or even just a smile, you have to. Show everyone that you're happy so no one could even break you. Smile like the world is also smiling with you. Show this cruel world that no matter how cruel the world can be, you can still smile as the sign that you're happy, even when the world isnt happy with you. Dont suffer with things that you dont like. You just have to throw it away and make yourself happy, if no one could.

Self, please be diligent. Remember, when you're spending your time by doing nothing, everyone is busy struggling with their life. Its a mean world out there and you have to compete. Thats how you will survive as a human being. If talent doesnt work, a hard work will always do. You dont need talent. You just need to be diligent and discipline, those will lead you to the world of success.

Self, I want you to be strong, brave, patient, happy, diligent, and everything good you can be. But most of all, I just want you to be yourself.

I want you to be just you.

Keep struggling, self. 

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Its just my rant.

Aku ingin sekali menangis. Hanya saja, setiap kali aku menangis, yang kudapat bukanlah dukungan-dukungan atau hiburan. Hanya cemoohan dan protes yang kudapat. Kenapa menangis? Jangan bikin susah. Jangan tambah beban. Tidak usah banyak menuntut. Belajarlah mengurus dirimu sendiri. Perkataan-perkataan menyakitkan yang akan lebih menyakitkan saat orang yang mengucapkannya adalah orang yang kau harapkan memberikan dukungan.

Aku lelah. Begitu selalu katanya.  Seakan-akan, dia adalah orang yang paling lelah sedunia. Orang yang harus menanggung semua beban untuk dirinya sendiri. Orang yang harusnya diperlakukan baik agar bebannya tidak bertambah. Kau tahu betapa egoisnya itu? Aku pun lelah. Ini Aku. Orang yang tidak pernah kau izinkan untuk menangis di hadapanmu. Orang yang harus menahan semua rasa lelahnya hanya untuk tidak menambah bebanmu. Orang yang setiap kali harus mengalah demi kepentinganmu dan segala macam keegoisan yang kau perbuat, yang kau atas namakan demi kepentingan semuanya.

Aku juga lelah. Kapan aku bisa mengatakan tiga kata itu? Tidak hanya kau yang lelah. Aku pun. Dia pun. Aku sudah muak mendengar segala macam cerita dan keluhanmu sementara aku tidak pernah bisa mengeluh--hanya agar tidak menambah bebanmu. Aku lelah mendengar suara tangismu yang selalu menyalahkanku. Aku lelah mendengar teriakan-teriakanmu yang serasa menusuk tubuhku. Aku benci diteriaki. Aku benci suara bantingan barang-barang. Aku juga benci keheningan yang kau buat dalam rumah ini.

Aku pun bisa lelah.

Aku lelah.

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Starting Up A New Blog

Well, akhirnya gue bikin blog baru lagi.
Nggak ngerti juga kenapa gue demen banget bikin blog baru. Biasanya, siklus ngeblog gue hanyalah bikin blog-lupa password-nggak keurus-bikin baru lagi. Gitu aja terus sampai blog gue akhirnya ada di mana-mana. Ini juga sebenernya blog lama yang postingan alaynya udah gue hapus dan dirombak abis-abisan. Blog ini mau diisi apa juga gue belum tau hahahaha. Dasar bego.
Okay, lets just pray that this blog wont end up like my other blog(s). Cheers!

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